Sound Advice
When the stars of the music studio don their fanciest getups and stroll the red carpet leading to Los Angeles’ Staples Center on Feb. 11, they would be wise to take three things with them to the 49th Annual Grammy Awards: their hopes, a prewritten acceptance speech, and this — Zeeks’ list of Grammy dos and don’ts.
DO
DON’T
DO answer politely the silly questions posed by entertainment reporters on the red carpet.
DON’T answer Willie Nelson when he leans into your ear and whispers, “Hey… where’s the party at?”
DO compliment Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist Flea on his tattoo work.
DON’T blast him with flea spray and proceed to get angry when he doesn’t shoo.
DO open your acceptance speech by thanking God for the gift of song.
DON’T open your acceptance speech by belching loudly and slurring, “Thank God for the open bar! ’Nuff props, G-Man!”
DO sit beside your significant other and hold his or her hand during the nominee announcements.
DON’T sit beside Michael Jackson.
DO rent the finest tuxedo money can buy.
DON’T rent the finest “date” money can buy.
DO cheer at the top of your lungs and scream, “Sexy is back!” as Justin Timberlake performs.
DON’T cheer at the top of your lungs and scream, “Sexy is back!” as the host pays silent tribute to the recently deceased music legends.
DO groove to the funky productions of Timbaland.
DON’T groove the message “John Mayer wuz here ’07 suckas!” with a pocketknife into the back of your seat.
DO attend Sean “Diddy” Combs’ lavish all-night after party in the hottest club in the city.
DON’T attend Larry “Pity” Combs’ all-night after party in the hottest basement apartment in the city.
DO avoid direct eye contact with Prince — dude is literally crazy.
DON’T try to apprehend Gnarls Barkley singer Cee-Lo and stuff him into a straightjacket — despite the hit single, the dude is not literally crazy.
DO wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care.
DON’T wave your designer dress in the air like you just don’t care.